Depression makes each day feel like a lonesome eternity. Yet, I can't understand how a whole year has gone by so quickly. I can't understand how the only things I encountered were failures and bad habits and lost friendships.
I strive to make my life empty, but it backfires each time. When I make my stomach empty, I look suspicious to my family. When I make my mind empty, I lose the ability to concentrate. When I make my room empty, I become materialistic and buy things I don't need. When I make my heart empty...well, that has yet to happen.
I want to fight this; I need a sharp mind to make the decisions, fend off the temptations, get out of this hole.
I turn to this blog because, as my BPD grows, so does my hatred of anything as real as time spent with other people. Instead, I burden the people I know won't ever leave, no matter how difficult I am, how many times I storm off, how loudly I yell: family. But sometimes I need to vent elsewhere.
My birthday week is looming, and with it comes the 14 DAY CHALLENGE -- details on Monday.
empty is hard to maintain, in any aspect of life.
ReplyDeleteyou're borderline?
vent here, i'm listening.
staystrong, page.